Friend. (?)

Few weeks ago, I had an interesting discussion with two of my friends at the local coffee shop.

One of my friends, Christine, asked me an unexpected question. She said, “Ju, how come you don’t drive? I always see you riding a bike.” The tone of her voice was direct and simple, yet it was very offensive. With sense of embarrassment, I hesitated to answer. I gave a sidelong glance to make sure no one had heard. “Because I can’t drive,” I said. “I can’t drive because I don’t have documentation.”I murmured. Christine seems little confused. “What do you mean? So you are like illegal?”

It took me long time to answer her back because I couldn’t believe it—I couldn’t believe what she said to me. Still shocked and surprised, as I tried I explain it to her with my best ability. I cringed a little, “I’m in the process of getting legal residency. I hope to get it as soon as possible.” I didn’t want to tell her everything about my situation because I lost her trust. Christine quickly responded back to me with no emotion. “If it’s difficult, then why don’t you just go back to Korea and get a job there?” My other friend, Brittney, suddenly erupt our conversation. “Christine!” Brittney yelled. “He can’t get a job there and his family is here!” The tone of her voice was loud and defensive, as if she understood my situation. My face quickly turned into bright red as I realized where this conversation was going. After all, we broke into silence after few more exchange of negative words. As I slowly adjust myself, I left the coffee shop, alone. As I walked down to my house, I kept thinking to myself, “Whom should I trust now?” For some reason at that night, I felt like I was vulnerable. No matter how confident, brave, or courageous that I could be, I felt like Christine has a power over me.

After the incident, I began to avoid talking to my old friends. When they usually call me to hang out, I simply make an excuse or ignore their call. It’s been awhile since I talk to my friends, but I lost my trust and connection between me and my friends. However, I hope to get back to them and thoroughly explain about my situation one by one, and I hope to build the trust and gain the friendship again.